when you're alone and life is making you lonely.

while i was not pleased waking up to such a cool temperature (and it's sunday so when i say waking up we all know i'm not talking about actual morning here), it was the overcastness of the day that got me going and moving about. there was no choice, really. it looked like it might possibly rain and my bicycle was still locked up on crown st. (i hoped) from friday night. so, despite my desire to crawl back in bed or curl up on the couch with crappy movies, i showered and set out to rescue the schwinn suburban. i knew it would be nice to walk and of course it was. it's good to check in on the details every once in awhile. as i got to the last half-block, though, i started getting nervous. what if my bike wasn't there? it was stupid to leave it for one night, and then i left it for two, so what did i expect? ah, but have faith. it was there, waiting patiently. so loving and reliable.
so then it was time to ride around a little. i really don't go downtown that often anymore. or if i do, it's usually for a purpose and then there's not real wandering about. so it seemed like a good day to do a little of this. okay, so this ended up being mainly a perusal of news haven. i fear that if i had a lot of money i would buy for too many magazines. they can be so enchanting. so aesthetically pleasing. or intellectually stimulating. oh so many options. but just taking the time to mill around and flip through a ton of them was rather enjoyable (of course i bought some, too. that would be rude not to. and disappointing to leave empty-handed).
next i had the usual half-second consideration of taking the scientology stress test. they had a little table set up right at the edge of the green - open, public space, so i would be safe, right? even funnier was that this table was about 20 ft from the food not bombs tent. that gave me a little laugh.
the rest of the bike ride home brought numerous vaguely philosophical thoughts, as i'm prone to when in this particularly off-kilter mood. not truly philosophical, though they truly feel it. also vague because i some new idea keeps popping up before i can delve into the previous one. it's entertaining and overwhelming all at once.

is jacob marley walking down my street?

seriously, this is the secong time this week i've wondered that. the other day i said it out loud to SLS because it seemed funny, but i still wouldn't go to the window to find out what it was. now i'm home alone and i heard some crazy clanging again. sure it's bright and sunny out, but i still don't want to know what it really is.
some things of note that people have said to me in the past week:
i'm outside of a bar with the long-lost MQ when this random dude comes up to us - "excuse me for interrupting, but i just have to tell you that i am standing next to the most artistic person i've ever met." i look at MQ, look around, then ask "me?" oh yes, he meant me. he asks me if i do art, i so no not really, sometimes i try. "don't try so hard." "do you believe in energy? i just felt this powerful artistic energy and i had to come over and tell you." and so on. then we all introduce ourselves and to me he says, "oh, a nice hebrew name." "it means princess," i declare. "receiver of riches," he adds. i offer up an incredulous snort. then he starts in, "what would happen if you believed that? just think about it. what if you believed that you would receive riches, if you lived your life as if you were rich. what would happen?" i interrupt to blurt out, "do you have your own infomercial??" he doesn't really respond and continues his spiel, at some point mentioning god. MQ then makes up an awaiting friend as an escape mechanism.
this works, but only for so long. the man comes over to us, again apologizing for interrupting, this time to tell me that i have genius potential (this as i type "genious"...). i still have no idea what his motivation was.
then there is my grandmother... my mom showed her pictures of me in my fancy dress with my fancy hair from my cousin's wedding and my grandmother calls me to tell me how beautiful she thinks i looked. oh how i love her and how i know that she is good intentioned... "i said to you mother, 'do you think when she sees how she looks in these pictures she'll start wearing dresses and make-up?'" oh gramma....

hopefully i won't have to experience any christmases past this evening. that would be too much to handle. maybe marley is just going down my street to keep me from letting that strange man's words go to my head.

just stopping by...

my marathon wedding summer is finally over. it's been an enlightening experience that i wish to elaborate on some time in the future, as i am at work right now and simply cannot dedicate the time needed to go into detail. i had intended to record my impression of each wedding right after it happened, but i didn't. besides all of the usual reasons for not writing anything (laziness, procrastination, etc.) i have also had issues deciding where to write. i've been wanting to write in my journal, wanting to update my blog, wanting to write some good old fiction for nhwc - plus there's the personal essay that i am finding almost impossible to tackle. so, what do i do instead of just choosing one and going for it? you guessed it!! nothing! sometimes i find it hard to believe i even get by in this life.
notes to self: cousins, lightning, thunder, candles, dancing, crying, drinking, laughing. to be continued.

holy shit. (aka - why me?)

can they even do that? what the hell is going on? i don't even know what the hell it is i wanted to write about now that i've seen that my self-indulgent little foray into blogging has been punished by the spamming gods. what the fuck is all that? thirteen comments?? (well, eleven i guess.... unless trixie and beverly are just coincidental aliai).
i'm really insulted by this. or...something. i guess it's just the price i have to pay for being an exquisite blogger.
tailor-made-for-me radio = my new favorite thing. it's like a little adventure. some old favorites. some things i never heard of. some things i heard of but never heard. some things that make me say, "how did they know i like this?!?!" with jubilation. once in awhile something not so great, but then you tell them you don't think it's so great and they apologize and promise not to play it again. word.
letterboxing = my other favorite new thing. why didn't i start doing this sooner? now i'm an addict.
what else what else? i'm a little manic, having just returned from my first class in two years. school is such a strange thing. registering for this class last week gave me such a rush. i didn't even mind having to do the whole back and forth bureaucracy thing. i was just on some sort of high walking around campus with a sense of purpose. reality has set in since then, of course. and i definitely got overwhelmed and worried that i was just too dumb and that i wouldn't be able to hack it at some point during class tonight.
man...all the raving i just did about pandora and now they are playing me this terrible and depressing song. i don't like it, but i have to keep listening to it to see where the lyrics are going ("dear claudia" by southfm? i have no idea, but don't listen to it. it just finished and the bottom line is that it sucks).
and this version of "game of pricks" is definitely not the one i am used to....